The Final Decsion

Good afternoon friends! I suppose you could say today’s post is the “final” occurrence of the archive. I do not mean I will not be posting anymore – I am thinking of changing the blog. Making it a more positive – happy creation as it stands, this is the new beginning I have been waiting for – for so long.

The past few days have been hell. No and’s, if’s, or but’s about it. I am moving in three-weeks, Christmas is just around the corner, I have finals in college, and my “recovering” husband has been drinking all along – including today. I can’t figure it all out. To be completely straight forward – I just don’t care anymore. If he wants to drink – well than … go right ahead. But it wont be here, with me, around me, around our children, or anywhere near MY family. He has made his choices and those choices reap some heavy consequences.

It is my job as a mother to advocate for the my children. To protect them from all the things that could harm them psychically or emotionally. Here’s how it plays out …. last night I came home from work. Not even five-minutes after I came home my oldest son says ‘Mommy – daddy hit me with his belt two time and it gave me a rash.” I instantly go into bitch mode – especially when it involves my children being hurt in anyway. I verbally attacked my husband and asked what this was all about. He denied it. All of it. Yet … on the back of my 8 year old’s arm is a perfect welt from a belt. Than my husband proclaims he was only “joking” around. Fuck that is my theory friends. I will lash husband’s ass with a fucking 4 by 8 and tell him it was only an accident.

See … he can hurt me. Hell – he could punch me in the face and I would get right back up and stand on my own two feet. But the moment he lays a single hand on my child – he will find his world so twisted around that he wont know which way is up or down. I made my entire family (kids and husband) sit down while we had a serious talk about keeping our hands to ourselves and how even joking around with hitting people is not nice, ect. Seriously, I felt like I was mothering my thirty-year old husband. Ridiculous!

Today – I came home from work SUPER early. Husband was acting okay. The kids were acting like rabid apes. I decided to take my two little ones to go grocery shopping. When I left I had thought I smelled alcohol on husband but truly passed it off to be my mind playing tricks on me because he was acting totally straight. So I left. When I came back two hours later it was like a whirlwind – he was pissed off, violent, smelled like a god damn brewery, and being so arrogant. I played it out though friends, because I didn’t want another violent explosion like the one a few weeks ago that put three holes in my wall. My children have heard and seen enough. He eventually went upstairs and went to bed.
Being that I need to have the evidence – I began searching in places that he would hide beer that I wouldn’t have noticed. This is a good one … I couldn’t find ANYTHING!!!! Than … I step out on our back porch to let my dog inside and there it is – in PLAN view! He was so drunk when he went to bed that he forgot to hide it. Moron.

So between pissing on my back porch (which he did today), saying the cruelest things ever to me, being a complete boob, and just in general wrecking havoc on my life – I have concluded I am so fucking done with this bullshit. D . O . N . E

December 31st I am moving myself and my three children into the new apartment and I will NOT be with my husband. How this will all play out – I’m not for sure. But I need to start pulling my resources together … I”m sure the REAL nightmare will begin.

I’ll write more soon I promise!!! Thank you for all your support and please keep leaving comments. It makes me happy to see some one is reading this and cares. =0)